


I’ll build you a boat darling, so you can float

by Small_bump



Series: We won't sink, we'll swim [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Plot Twists, Robert centric (I mean Robert centric), Teacher & Parent AU, alternative universe, child prodigy AU, plot focused story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 16:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11234856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_bump/pseuds/Small_bump
Summary: Robert fix’s boats. Not what he thought he’d be doing when he was younger but it gets them by. Robert’s good with his hands, or so he’d learnt. Fixing boats wasn’t a skill he’d been taught growing up, it was one he’d dived head first into later on in life. His hands can fix things, things his brain can’t. His brain’s never been good at that, fixing things. Maybe if he was, he wouldn’t be here.(a teacher and parent AU, with a twist.)





	I’ll build you a boat darling, so you can float

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is a monster of a fic, but I'm proud of the way it turned out even though I do think the ending is rushed. This story, is loosely based on the movie 'Gifted' that came out earlier this year, and inspired me. It's worth a watch, but if you don't want to be spoilt for this story, don't watch before finishing the fic!
> 
> Shout out to Malorie, Lauren & Lorna, thanks for the support girls.
> 
> Without further ado enjoy.

 

 

(“Isn’t it true Mr Sugden, that you were jealous of your brother? The golden boy isn’t that what you used to call him? Isn’t it true you had an affair with your brother’s wife? That you resented him? Were jealous of him? Was it one last chance to screw him over? Was that, what this has all been about? Not getting daddies attention growing up?”  

“Objection your honour, bullying my client is hardly acceptable.”

“Sustained, change your tune, Mr James.”

“Apologises, your honour, but I don’t hear Mr Sugden denying any of my claims.”) 

 

 ::

 

“Please” she begs for the twentieth time that morning. Robert’s standing by the counter, knife in one hand, jar of peanut butter in the other. He’d had to scrap at the ends of container, wondering how his life went from fast cars and jet-setting across the world to pray he’d get one last portion of peanut butter from the jar he’d bought at the pound shop to get him through till this afternoon. 

Payday, anyone who’s living from hand to mouth’s favourite day of the month. Things could be worse though; they’ve got a roof over their head. Enough cash, to afford the basics, and they make do. _They just do._ But they’re happy, and really Robert would take happiness over a flash car or a first class trip to Greece any day.

Life had taught him that.

“Robert—”

“Maggie” he cuts her off, grabbing the lid and roughly screwing the jar closed. “We’ve talked about this, and my minds made up and no amount of whining is going to change that, so stop, eat up, or we’ll be late.”

“I don’t want to go.”

He sighs, breathing loudly through his nostrils. He’s spreading the peanut butter onto the bread, careful not to cut right through. It’s the end of the loaf, and Maggie doesn’t like the ends. Besides he’s hardly going to send her on her first day of school with a shitty lunch, that’s like asking for trouble.

This afternoon just couldn’t come fast enough.

“We’ve been fine until now. You can carry on teaching me.”

Robert puts the knife down, turning on the balls of his feet to take Maggie in. She’s got milk trebling down her chin, her spoon clutched in her hand no doubt spilling onto her jeans. Maggie’s a messy eater, a trait Robert is sure she’d inherited from him. She’s looking at him, with those wide eyes, fear shining just beneath the surface.

She’s scared, and so is Robert. He doesn’t want to leave her there, throw her to the vultures—okay so perhaps he’s being a little dramatic, but it’s not like he wants to be the bad guy. He _has to be though._

She’s got no friends, none her own her age anyway. Her social skills were below average he knows, he doesn’t need to take her to anyone to know she’ll be socially awkward by the time she hits her teens if he doesn’t do something. Isn’t that his job? To foresee the problems and try and fix them where he can?

She needs to go to a regular school, be a regular kid. _Just be a kid._  

It’s not the math or English that worries Robert. He could teach first grade in a heartbeat. What he can’t teach are the social skills that go along with interacting with, her own peer group. He’d tried, back when sending her to school left him with crippling anxiety, he’d taken her to a park and encouraged to her to play with the other kids.

Maggie being Maggie though, had sat beside him on the beach the entire time and asked when they were going home because it was getting too hot. No one could say she wasn’t his kid, that’s for sure.

He bends down on his knees so he’s eye level with her. “I know you don’t want to. But sometimes what we want, and what we need are two very different things. You do trust me to don’t you?" 

“Always,” she says, without so much as a second of hesitation. It makes his head swirl, and his heart constricts, at the sheer trust this person, this _tiny_ person has in him. 

“Then trust me” he places a hand on her knee. “You’ll be okay kid.”

::

 

“What, no blotchy eyes, no tear stained t-shirt, you're are a letdown Sugden.”

Robert rolls his eyes, cramming his way into the shop. It’s a death trap in here, parts from all sorts of different projects lying discarded on the floor. Pipes and robes hang from the ceiling, and Robert had to do a double act just to make it to the counter without one of them knocking him on the head.

“Cheers, don’t worry though had a good cry in my car.”

Daniel scoff’s “it’s schoolmate, you haven’t sent her off to war.” _Hadn’t he?_ He’d regretted it, the moment he’d had to leave her. Watched her walk down the hallway towards her new classroom, huddled close to the teaching assistant. He couldn’t just change his mind, could he? Not after he’d told Maggie it was for the best. 

_It was._ He hopped.

“Got the part for me? Or do I need to wait another week for you to overcharge me?” 

Robert fix’s boats. Not what he thought he’d be doing when he was younger but it gets them by. Robert’s good with his hands, or so he’d learnt. Fixing boats wasn’t a skill he’d been taught growing up, it was one he’d dived head first into later on in life. His hands can fix things, things his brain can’t. His brain’s never been good at that, fixing things. Maybe if he was, he wouldn’t be here.

_Anyway_ boats. Robert’s been fixing them freelance for about the last six and half years. Ever since he and Maggie had moved to Bristol. At first, he’d tried to get a job in town, but there just hadn’t been any work going at any of the shops or mini-marts. He’d tried his hand at pulling pints for a while, but that was hardly a conducive, work schedule with a toddler. 

It didn’t matter that his neighbour Shelia was willing to watch Maggie whenever. Robert being gone all hours of the night, just wasn’t good for her. It had been halfway during his third week when Maggie had had a meltdown. She’s screamed and thundered about wanting Robert to tuck her in. He’d called in his notice in that very night. 

It had actually been Shelia, who he was eternally grateful for, who’d introduced him to Daniel. As luck would have it, her “good for nothing ex-husband” (her words) came in use for something. He owned the local shipping supply store, but he also worked in the trade on and off when work was lucrative. He’d taught Robert a few things, and the rest was hard work, bruised hands, too many bandages and sleepless nights. 

Robert had realized it was worth the night he’d got back from the A&E. He’d sliced his hand open on the engine. He was lying on the couch, Maggie propped up on his chest, high on painkillers, hand bandaged. He had listened to her even breath; steady, as a rerun of _Antics Roadshow_ hummed in the background.  

It was worth, to be able to have that. 

“Overcharge? You're clearly still upset about Maggie mate. But yes, it came in this morning. Please tell me you're not planning one of your little experiments?”

“Maybe” he shrugs.

“You do realize clients are not going to pay you to fuck with their engine?”

“Who says I’m going to fuck it up. I know what I’m doing.”

“Sure you’ve only fucked it up every other time, but I’m sure this time will be different.”

 ::

 

He’s knee deep in an engine when he gets a call from Maggie’s school, the morning had been suspiciously quiet. Robert knew it had been _too_ good to be true. The moment the phone had rung, he knew. He just _fucking knew._

**Behavioural problems** they’d said.

**Shouted at the head teacher** they’d said. 

He’d inwardly winced; as he listened to the receptionist rattle on the school's complaints—well concerns as she’d phrased it. All he’d wanted to do was to hold her in his arms and tell her not to listen to them. But this,  **this** was what he’d been afraid of.

When he’d seen her sitting outside the head teacher’s door he’d nearly lost it. Her head hung, brown curls wilted.

_Wilted._

“Hey kid, you okay?” he asks, sitting beside her. He puts his arm around her shoulder, feels her sag against him.

“I’m sorry Rob.”

Why didn’t she just punch him in the face? It would have hurt less. “It’s alright, we’ll sort this I promise.”

Sorting this, it turned out. Was sitting in the head teacher’s office, and just _taking it._ God, did he just want to give this woman a piece of his mind. Mrs Crane, her name was, in carved on a Plaque, that took prime position on her desk. Polished to perfection, she seemed like the type of woman that took attention to detail obnoxiously seriously. 

He should know, he used to be just like that. 

“Shouting is just unacceptable Mr Sugden, your daughter needs to learn some manners.” It had taken everything in him not laugh. Maggie had a manner, of course, she fucking did. Robert had made sure of it, she was just scared. Thrown into an environment she didn’t feel comfortable in—you’d think the school would show the slightest bit of compassion. 

Then again with a name like _Mrs Crane,_ could he expect anything else?

“It won’t happen again.” 

He smiled, shook her hand. Bit his tongue hard enough to taste the start of copper in his mouth and just took it.

“Come on kid, let’s get out here.”

Maggie jumps down from the chair, grabbing her satchel. She drags it across the floor, usually, Robert would chide at her, but he thinks she’d gotten enough chiding from this school to last a lifetime.

This building feels like a monster that’s swallowed them both whole, when the front doors come into sight, Robert nearly sprints. He wants no _needs_ to get them out of here; he was never fond of school growing up (now he remembers why.)

“Mr Sugden!” A voice calls from behind them. Just on the brink of freedom. He tightens his grip on Maggie’s hand, ready to shield her from another onslaught from this school.

Robert is done playing nice today.

“It’s my teacher, Mr Dingle” Maggie pipes up, from beside him.

Robert turns his head, watching the figure run towards him “Mr Dingle uh? Go wait in the car okay Maggie” he suggests, hands her the keys and uses his head to motion her to get a move on.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout but I didn’t want you to leave without talking to you.”

It’s humid, Robert can feel is seeping into his shirt. The sky’s the sort of colour that just promises rain, and Robert wants to get them back, and inside before that happens and their drenched.

“Listen I’ve already spoken to the head teacher and—”

“Oh no, it’s not about that” Maggie’s teacher waves off “I’m Aaron by the Aaron Dingle, Maggie’ teacher, but I’m sure you already knew that I wanted to talk about Maggie’s work.”

“What about it? It's her first day, she can’t already be failing.”

Mr Dingle or _Aaron_ laughs, and Robert for some reason feels oddly proud. His laugh is soft, his eyes crinkle a little as he does, its well…adorable way, there really is no other word for it.

He admits to himself, Maggie’s teacher was fit. It’s the only thing he’ll allow himself to admit because this was Maggie’s teachers—he couldn’t go there. Even if he had a chance that would fifty shades of inappropriate.

Some of the tense atmosphere, was beginning to crack when “god no, it’s first grade, I’ve never failed a student in the first grade I’m not a monster! I was just wondering if you’ve ever had Maggie tested?” –and there it _was._

“Tested for what?” he bites his tongue again, can taste the cooper on his lips. Seeping into his teeth. He wants to throw up.

“High IQ—well the school has a policy against using the word ‘genius’, but have you ever seen your daughter do maths before? She figured out the square root of 48 without even a calculator—”

“The Trachtenberg system,” Roberts says sharply, cutting Aaron off.

“I’m sorry what?”

“The Trachtenberg system, it’s a system of rapid mental calculation. It was developed by Jakow Trachtenberg, that’s how she’s doing it. She’s not a genius.”

“But,” Aaron says slowly, “she’s seven?”

“And I learnt it when I was eight. Do I look like a genius to you?”

 

:: 

 

“I knew this was going to happen, you should have listened to _me._ Why do men never listen? Now, look what’s happened.”

“It’s one teacher.”

“One teacher! I thought you had a PhD, Robert, don’t act’s so stupid. She’s in the system now, there’s no going back.”

“Well, that’s it then.”

“Go have a drink Robert, I’ve got her.”

He sits in his truck, and replays his conversation with Shelia, over and over in his head. She was understandably mad, she loved that kid as much as Robert did and with no family around, she was pretty much the closest thing Maggie had to a grandmother. _Go have a drink Robert, I’ve got her—_ translation, go fuck up somewhere else Robert, where your mistakes won't affect the child you're meant to be protecting.

He screams, bangs his fists against the steering wheel until the sides of them are bruised.

He keeps fucking up. Has done since Maggie was born—no that’s a lie, he was fucking up before that, he fucked up Katie’s life, Andy’s life, it only made sense he’d fuck up Maggie’s life now too.

Three for three a _perfect score._

Its no wonder, Victoria won't pick up his calls anymore. She’s moved on, the entire fucking world has moved on; expect him, his still here. He's still just getting by, hoping things will somehow get better, but knowing deep down they won't.

Robert had a PhD, and now he fix’s boats.

His happy, they’re happy. Most days. Most days it’s fine, Maggie’s laugh gets him through the day, the only sound he needs to hear to know everything will be okay.

But on days, days like today. When the sky just won’t stop falling.

It’s not enough, his not enough.

He can see it clearly, the day it happened. The incident.

—It’ s definitely not enough.

::

 

He goes out, picks up a girl, her names Natalie he thinks. Can’t quite remember, through the haze of shots and pumping music. He goes through the motions, tries to feel something, but when they're done, his just as hallow as when they started. Not even a human connection—usually a one night stand could at least make him forget, but the eerie silence that had engulfed his apartment that night. The feeling of his heart, shattering to the floor in an unsalvageable mess, haunts him. 

He leaves when they’re done, doesn’t even attempt to stay the night and sneak out once she’s fast asleep. His sobered up somewhat, enough to drive, and know he wasn’t going to crash, get himself killed, and leave another mess for Maggie to have to deal with.

The streets dead when he arrives at the dock. The boat he's been working on sits in the dock, a posh thing, his owner must have shelled out at least ten grand on. It’s called _the heart of the ocean_ how original. He’d been looking after it for a couple of months now. Fix’s the engine, cleans and runs it when the owners away.

It’s Paris this time.

He remembers Paris.

Paris with Katie. Paris with Andy. Paris with _both of them._

At first, Robert thinks his alone, usually, he is at this time of night. Sometimes he slips away when Maggie’s sleeping and he mind is put to rest by the fact that Shelia is next door if anything happens. He slips out, drives down to the dock and watches the still black water.

He's not alone tonight though, there’s a figure standing at the end of the dock. Dressed all in the black, he blends into the scenery; Robert thinks that’s why he didn’t see him at first. The figure’s got his hood up and doesn’t look like he wants any company. Robert, knowing two can be a crowd at times, turns to leave, the placing of his footings off. He steps on a broken floorboard, the creaking, echoing into the night.

The figure turns towards him, startled.

_Oh._ Mr Dingle—Aaron.  

“What are you doing here?” Aaron asks. His tone makes Robert shiver, the chirpy, go lucky attitude from school gone. It's been replaced with something darker.

“I—I work here. _Well,_ I work out here, on that boat actually” he stammers, pointing to _the heart of the ocean_ “sorry I’ll…go.”

“Wait” the darkness to his tone is gone, and suddenly Aaron’s walking towards him. “I shouldn’t have snapped like that. It’s been a day.”

Robert knows the feeling.

“Want a beer?”

“Sure.”

Robert leads the way onto the boat, tells Aaron to have a seat and goes over to the fridge inside to pull out two colds ones. He doesn’t know what he's doing, this really can’t be a good idea. But then again, might as well pop the cherry on top, for this master class in fucking up.

“I looked it up you know,” Aaron says when Robert appears back from inside.

“Uh?” he asks confused, handing over the bottle.

“The Trachtenberg system. Got to admit mate, I’d never even heard of it. But I popped it into Google and there it was. Even had it’s own Wikipedia page and all.”

Robert sits down beside him on the couch. A respectful distance mind you. He takes a long sip of his beer before he says “funny that, Wikipedia has a page for everything nowadays.”

“I know you don’t think so, but it’s impressive. Even for an eight-year-old.”

Robert shrugs. This was not a conversation he wanted to have right now—or ever. “You never said what you were doing out here. I mean I work here, what about you?” it’s not the best deflection, but Aaron seems to take the hint.

“My boyfriend Jackson, _well_ ex-boyfriend, used to design boats. He’d bring me out here sometimes, show off his latest designs.”

“Bad breakup then?”

“No, his uh…his dead.”

Oh. “I’m sorry.” He smiles sadly. He picks at the damp label on the bottle, it tears easily, paper getting underneath his fingernails.

“It’s alright. I mean most days it’s okay—its fine but you know. Sometimes after a long day at work, I like to come out here. We moved here together, this was our place.”

“Listen if you’d rather be alone.”

Aaron shakes his head “no, I don’t really want to be alone right now. I’d rather you tell me what the hell that is.”

Robert follows Aaron’s eye line, to what used to be an engine. It’s a monster of a thing, he’d spray painted blue, for no other reason then it looked cool and Robert’s only human. It looked like something out of Star Wars, and that was an opportunity he just couldn’t pass up.

“It’s a hydro boat engine,” Robert says.

 “I’m sorry, what? You’ve got to stop doing that. You're making me doubt my degree.”

Robert laughs, standing up suddenly and heading over to the engine. He pats the cool metal, “it’s a lot like the hydroplane, in that when travelling at high speeds, water is forced downwards by the bottom of the boat's hull. The water, therefore, exerts an equal and opposite force upwards, lifting the vast majority of the hull out of the water. Usually, though, it’s used for planes travelling in the water, or large boats. I’m trying—in the loses sense of the term, trying to come up with a smaller one that can be used for commercial purposes.” He explains dripping with enthusiasm, when he's done, he winces inwardly.

Aaron’s looking at him with wide eyes, he’s obviously said too much. He gets excited; he never gets to talk about these sorts of things with anyone anymore. Bless Maggie, she wants to know, but Maths was more her thing, and talking about engines was _boy stuff._

“I’ve lost you haven’t I?”

“No. I’m just trying to suss you out.”

“And? What’s the verdict?”

“I’ll let you know when I’ve figured it out.”

:: 

 

(“Because it’s true.”

“I’m sorry Mr Sugden, what was that?” 

“All of it! Its all true, dad did like Andy more than me. He certainly took every opportunity to tell me what a disappointment I was. How he didn’t approve of my career, of my partners. It’s true, I was jealous.”

“Robert stop—”

“No, he’s right. But I promise—no I swear I wouldn’t have taken that little girl if I didn’t think with every fibre of my being, _know_ it’s what he would have wanted.”

“But you don’t have proof of that do you, Mr Sugden. Andy didn’t leave a will, didn’t even so much as leave a letter, so we don’t really know what he wanted. Not for definite.”

“He was my brother. I know.”)

 ::

 

“Robert, can we go to the beach today?” Maggie asks. It’s Saturday, usually, Shelia would take her for the day. They’d go into town, and do a spot of shopping. A proper girls day out, it was good for Maggie, to spend time with a female remodel and he knew Shelia missed the days when her girls were young. When they visited more than just on the holidays. Today though, Shelia had called, coughing up a storm.

So Maggie had spent the morning, working on that maths book Robert had bought her from the second-hand bookstore a while ago. She sat there, brow scrunched, gripping her pencil tightly, in her own world. Robert was in awe, of how someone could be so young, but so focused.

But she was still seven, and as much as she loved maths, she loved doing other things too. _This_ this is what made It all worth it. It may have sounded stupid to people from the outside, but to him. Maggie getting to be a normal carefree kid, was something he’d never take for granted.    

“Yeah let’s do it, kid.”

“Tabby too?”

Robert looks towards the black cat perched on the sofa. She’s massive, Robert didn’t even feed her that much, he doesn’t know where she’s getting it from. Maybe she has a secret stash somewhere. She’s got a scar right down her left eye, it’s still semi functional but the vet had told them her vision was properly blurry in that eye.

“Sure, grab the lead. She’ll hate it.”

“Nah, Tabby loves going out with us.”

So they cram into the truck and drive down the coast towards the beach. The skies cloudy, but it’s still hot. Too warm for this time of the year, must be that climate change coming to bite them in the arse. Tabby’s sitting comfortably in Maggie’s lap, the patient as ever feline, doesn’t even flinch as Maggie starts to jump with excitement the closer they get.

“We’re HERE.”

“Inside voice, Mags, don’t forget to hold onto her leash tightly.”

Maggie opens the car door, shoving herself out and pulling on Tabby’s lead a little too roughly “come on Tab, let’s build a sandcastle.”

“Buckets in the backseat.”

An hour later, Maggie’s running up and down the shoreline. Pretending she’s a bird, hands sticking out, proper into it. She’d left Tabby with Robert a while ago. Robert was content to sit on the sidelines, book in hand. Quiet moments were rare with a seven-year-old, and even when she was off with Shelia, Robert tried to have the remains of a social life.

“Rob” Maggie calls out. 

Placing his book, in his lap, Robert looks up “yeah?”

“Can we get an ice cream please?”

“Alright, but just this once. I don’t want you used to have ice cream before tea.”

“Tabs want’s one too” To Maggie’s credit, Tabby perks her head up and meows. But that’s more because her names been called than anything else. But it’s sealed the idea in Maggie’s mind now. Robert knows from the way she’s grinning like some tiny maniac on a mission. Giving in is always a lot easier, and Roberts learnt to pick his battles.

 ::

 

Things calm down for a while, weeks roll by and Maggie finally settles into her routine. She doesn’t even complain anymore when Robert drops her off at the school gates. Walks in happily like the trouper Robert knows she is. And after a while, Robert's heart steadies, his stomach no longer feels like the earth about the fall in on him at any given moment. As for Aaron _or_ Mr Dingle, they wave each other when he picks up or drops Maggie off, whenever Aaron’s on duty. But apart from that, they haven’t really seen each other. Robert’s not been to the dock at night, since that night. The calm has settled into his bones. 

He thinks, maybe their going to be okay.

Until it’s not, they say there’s always a calm before the storm. Robert guesses he should have seen this coming, but he didn’t.

The school calls, there’s been an altercation between Maggie and an older student. It’s Aaron who calls, tone serious but nowhere as dark as it had been that night, he tells Robert he needs to come down to the school, Mrs Crane wants a word.

Robert has this memory. He’d gotten into a fight with a kid at school, as usual, Robert had been to one to take the heat, take the fall. He was the troublemaker, the one who never fit in.

The black sheep of the family. The boy with the brilliant mind, who’d, squandered his potential on booze and women.

What no one bothered to mention it, it’s hard to believe in yourself, when no else did.

It had been his father who’d shown up. Taken one look at him sitting outside the receptions office and hadn’t even spoken a word. Hadn’t even asked him for an explanation. He’d just assumed it was Robert. It hadn’t been. But to this day, his father doesn’t know that.

“She punched him in the nose Mr Sugden, you have to realize how serious this is.”

“I do, I get it. Hitting people is bad. But this kid, this _twelve-year-old_ was bullying another student, Maggie was defending him.” 

He wasn’t exactly proud she’d used her fists, but Robert wasn’t going sit there and act that he wasn’t proud that she’d stood up against a bully. 

“I think what Mrs Crane is trying to say is, violence is never the answer.”

Robert hoped he’d never have to find himself back in Mrs Crane’s office again, but here he was, sat opposite her. At least Aaron’s in the room, standing beside the desk, trying to play mediator.

“I get that. Like I said hitting’s bad, and we deal with that. But I’m not going to tell her not to stick up for herself and frankly you should be proud. She’s seven years old, and she stood up to a twelve-year-old bully. I am. 

Aaron sighs, Robert figures he knows that’s not what Mrs Crane wants to hear.

“That is hardly the point. Under normal circumstances, this would mean exclusion but I think have a solution.” 

“I’m all ear’s.”

“Have you heard of Roedan Academy, it’s a private school just half an hour away from here. It specializes, in gifted children.”

“Maggie’s not gifted.” 

“Mr Sugden I think we both know that’s not true. Aaron and I have taken it upon ourselves, to give her few tests,  _university_ tests and she passed—no she didn’t just pass, she flew through them like they were nothing.” 

“You tested her? Without my permission?” 

This wasn’t happening. Things were good, things were going so well. And now this, it threated to tear it all apart; _they_ threaten to tear it all apart.

He feels betrayal. It wasn’t like Aaron owned him anything, one drink, and a quick share wasn’t anything. But it hurts just the same.

“Robert you weren’t willing—”

“No I wasn’t,” Rob says, cutting Aaron off. “I’ve already looked into Roedan Academy, and even if it wasn’t completely and totally out of my price range, I still wouldn’t send her there.”

“I don’t think you understand Mr Sugden I could get Maggie a full scholarship, she’d have a free ride. I wouldn’t offer if I couldn’t pull it off.”

“My answer is no. I’ve dealt with those sorts of schools before. Maggie needs to be here, and if you’ll have, it’s where she’ll stay.”

“You're squandering your daughters potential, this school can’t offer the education she needs and deserves. She could be brilliant and you're throwing it all way.”

“I don’t need her to be brilliant Mrs Crane, I just need her turn out a good person.”

“Robert.”

He scoffs “I think we’re done here, Mrs Crane, Mr Dingle.”  

 ::

 

He knew it wasn’t over. Mrs Crane had agreed to let Maggie stay on, under the condition she apologised and this sort of behaviour never happened again. Next time she sees a classmate being bullied, she goes to a teacher, she doesn’t take it upon herself to play hero. Robert had rolled his eyes but nodded along. 

No, this wasn’t over. Robert just doesn’t know what form the retaliation will be in.

“There’s a man standing at the front door,” Maggie says. Robert’s just picked her up from school, his pulling into the parking spot beside the house.

“Who is it?”

“I dunno.”

He turns off the engine and tries to catch his breath. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he just does. He turns his head and standing there looking as out of place as anyone he’d ever seen, clad in a suit worth more than most people in this neighbourhood’s month’s income. Was Jack Sugden, damn that stuck up headteacher to hell. 

This had to be her doing; there was no other way he’d even know where to find them. He hasn’t even told Victoria; back when she was still taking his calls. It wasn’t like his father had even cared; Maggie hadn’t fit into his plan, not back then anyway. 

“Do you know him?”

“Yeah, that would be your grandfather.”   

As it turns out, it was Mrs Crane. Like Robert didn’t already know. She’d been ‘concerned’ with Robert’s decision to keep Maggie at Brighton primary. Especially once she’d found out, he wasn’t Maggie’s father, just her uncle. Like that made a bit of difference, he was the one raising her, he was one who’d given up his life, to make sure that little girl got a fighting chance at happiness.

But that didn’t matter, did it? She’d dug, and dug until she’d found something to twist and turn against him. Maggie was brilliant, and Jack wanted her because of it. Just like he’d wanted Andy because of it. But now his brother’s lying in a cemetery, and Robert knows exactly who’s to blame.

“It’s a MacBook darling, it’s got all the Maths you could ever need.” 

“Rob, it’s got _Prime Obsession_ on here, that’s so cool.” 

“Totally. Listen why don’t you go show it to Shelia next door. Your granddad and I need to have a chat.” 

“Okay. Thanks, granddad.” 

When she’s gone, Robert busies himself in the kitchen making them a brew. He knows Jack’s having a snoop around, probably wondering if he can have Robert sectioned.

“So, I shelled out over hundred grand on Oxford, for what? For you to fix boats was it?” 

“I like fixing boat dad.”

He shoves the milk into the fridge, roughly shutting the door. He grabs both mugs and heads over to the kitchen table. Placing one in front of Jack, and the other where he’d be sitting.

“I don’t understand Robert. Before Andy died you were a professor at Cambridge and now your living in this filth, depriving that poor girl of what she’s entitled to.” 

Robert grips the handle tightly ”Andy didn’t die though did he dad? He killed himself. He was part of your world, lived the life you wanted him to lead and where is he now? Taking care of his daughter? No, his buried right beside Grandma.” 

“Andy was troubled, we both know that.”

“Troubled. Really? That’s all you have to say. Maggie deserves to have a normal life, the life you never allowed Andy to have.”

“Andy was exceptional” Jack thunders. “And he understood when you have a gift like that, you owe the world to use.”

“Andy didn’t owe this world anything” he pauses, looks down at his hands “and neither does Maggie.”

“I’m taking Maggie with me to London Robert. You want to waste your potential here _fixing boats_ ; you’re free to do so. But I won't let you drag Maggie down with you.”

“Andy didn’t want you to have her dad. He didn’t leave her with you, he left her with me.”

“We both know Andy wasn’t thinking straight towards the end—”

“Don’t, fucking don’t. You’re not the one who had to find him, who walked into that bathroom and…” he cuts himself off. A shiver runs down his spine. He doesn’t want to remember, he never wants to remember what was behind that door.

“I’d find myself a lawyer if I were you, son, cause I’m not leaving without her.”    

 ::

 

“I didn’t know Robert, god I’m so sorry.” 

It’s little consolation to him now, sitting here, nursing his fifth beer of the night, when he should be home with Maggie. She’s not there though; she’s London, on a court-mandated visit to spend _quality time with her grandfather._

Robert had lawyered up. The judge had taken one look at the case and knew it’d be a bloodbath. Families ending up fighting it out in court rarely ended any other way. Jack was going for, full custody. Like that wasn’t the biggest joke of the century.

For now though, while the courts decided Maggie’s faith. This _visit_ was meant to calm the situation. Calm it for whom? Because Robert certainly wasn’t calm, with Maggie halfway across the country with a man she’d only meet twice in her whole life.

“Of course you didn’t” Robert turns away slightly, giving Aaron his back.

Logically he knew this wasn’t Aaron’s fault. But he’d started this, all of this. If he’d just stuck his oar out, left Robert and Maggie to it, none of this would be happening now.

Shelia had warned him. Once she was in the system there was no going back. There certainly wasn’t now.

Aaron sighs, sitting down in the barstool beside him. “You lied to me to you know. You let me believe you were Maggie’s father when your not.”

“I had a good reason for that. I still do.”

“Look getting drunk isn’t going to solve anything. Let's go back to my place, we can talk there.”

He doesn’t know why he finds himself nodding. It's not like he wants to talk. But his standing up, struggling to find his balance. Aaron’s got a hand on his hip though, steadying him in more ways than one.

It turns out; Aaron’s apartment isn’t far from the bar. It’s within walking distance, and by the time they arrive the cool night air has sobered him up somewhat. The flat itself is nicer then Robert’s, for starters, the walls don’t have cracks in them. The kitchen looks new, and Aaron’s furniture doesn’t look like he's got it off a yard sale. It wasn’t a home though; it didn’t feel like Aaron lived here.

Or perhaps Robert was just off his kilter and reading too much into things. It had been a long time since Robert was alone, _felt_ alone. Even when Maggie wasn’t there, he still felt like she was with him, now she felt miles away and his heart ached for her. He missed her in ways he didn’t even think was possible. He missed her like she was gone, but she wasn’t—she’s probably asleep right now. In some massive bed, in some high rise overlooking Hide Park. 

When his mother died before he’d meet Diane Jack had sold their childhood home. Well what was left of it anyway, a fire had broken out in the kitchen. Those old houses were accidents waiting to happen, built on hard graft but cheap materials. Neither of his parents had come from wealth, it was their minds that had propelled them to succeed. Perhaps that’s what it was, that burning desire to prove himself, maybe that’s what turned Jack into the man he was today. 

The house had gone up in flames. In a matter of minutes, his home was gone. The fire had hissed and ragged, and anyone trapped inside wasn’t going to make it out. His mother had been alone. For some reason or other, the rest of them were out. 

He wonders if she felt alone. He wonders what she thought about in those final moments when she knew she wasn’t going to make it out.

“Robert?” Aaron’s voice lulls in his ears pull him out of his train of thought and back to the world of the living.

“Sorry, got lost there for a second.” He shifts, digging himself into the cushions on the couch. Maybe he's trying to escape, god knows what.

“It’s alright. I made ya, a cuppa. I wasn’t sure if you took milk or sugar so I just made it, the same way I always like to have it after a day. Light and sweet.” 

Aaron’s sat beside him now. There’s a space between them, but all Robert desperately wants to do is just scoot closer to him and feel the warmth of another body; Aaron’s body as a matter of fact. He can’t deny the attraction anymore; all this fighting for Maggie’s it’s drained the resistance right out of him. Life’s too short, god for all Robert knows Aaron’s not even interested, just a good person who’s taking pity on him. But there’s something there, a palpable connection, like their bodies, are being drawn together, by science—or perhaps is it the cosmos. Robert would say the latter if he believed in any of that.

Aaron frowns, scrunching his forehead “are sure you’re alright?” 

“No,” Robert says, can’t bring himself to lie. “I’m going to lose aren’t I? He's going to bring up my past. Bring up all horrible stuff I did, the people I chose to date. It doesn’t really matter what my brother would have wanted does it? I’m always going loose when it comes to my father.”

“Hey,” Aaron says softly, he places a hand on Roberts’s thigh. It’s warm and comforting, and all Robert wants to do is crawl onto Aaron’s lap. This virtual stranger, Maggie’s teacher, he wants to crawl into his lap and make himself home there, he just wants someone to hold him and tell him everything’s going to be okay. “You can’t give up yet, it’s not over, Maggie needs you to fight for her.”

“What if their right? What if I’m not good enough for her?”

“You might have a PhD, but you’re an idiot you know? Have you seen the way that girl looks at you? With so much love, and respect. How could you possibly think you’re not good enough for her?”

Robert wants to sob. To curl into a ball and just let go. He doesn’t though; instead, he sores forward capturing Aaron’s lips. He draws the younger man forward by his hips, fingers clutching to his sides. Wanting to be near, needing this physical contact.

“Wait—are you sure?” Aaron asks, slightly out of breath. He's looking, really looking at Robert, perhaps he’s waiting for Robert to fall apart, to crumble and shatter. He won’t, not when that kiss was the first time he’s felt something in so long. All these years spent going through the motions, waiting for someone to come along and snap him out of it. And here Aaron was, eyes so soft and caring, looking at Robert in a way no one ever has before. Maggie’s teacher of all sorts, it baffles him how this little girl keeps saving him, over and over again, all roads lead to her.

He strokes Aaron’s jawline, feels the stubble along the tips of his fingers.

“I’m sure. This is what I want.”

 ::

 

It doesn’t go past a hot make-out session on the couch. Aaron had stopped it before it could have gone any further, and Robert’s grateful for it. Whatever Aaron and Robert are, this complicated teacher and parent’s circus act they have going on, it’s more than just a messy fuck, to run away from their feelings.

With everything else moving at the speed of light, slow suits him just fine.

 ::

 

_His late for a date just finished the mountain of corrections on his desk and he’s giddy to be able to go out and have a drink and put his students to the back of his mind for a few hours. He’s just out the front door, shoving his phone and wallet into his pocket, when Andy turns up, out of the blue, and uninvited._

_Robert walks overs, stands in front of the rolled down the window. Andy’s daughters in the back seat, she’s what six month’s now? Robert’s only seen her once, the night she was born, sat up half the night in that waiting room with Andy. That was then—before Katie—before everything had gone downhill fast._

_“It’s been a while mate, everything alright? You should have called.”_

_“I thought it was time for us to have a chat. Can I come in?”_

_He looks down at his watch. His late, but he bites his lip and nods. He’ll text Samantha, and tells her to push the time back a little. This won’t last more than an hour. Watching Andy with a kid was surreal. Robert had always known they’d have kids at some point; he just thought it would be Katie with the kid on her hip, not him._

_“So how’s dad. I haven’t gotten so much has, a text since I started seeing Connor. Victoria’s not picking up now, guess she’s chosen her side.”_

_“Victoria hasn’t chosen a side. She’s stuck in the middle. She still lives at home, and things are difficult for her. She doesn't want to upset dad.”_

_“Of course, god forbids we do that. His poor heart can’t take it.”_

_Andy sighs sits down at the kitchen table manoeuvring Maggie until she’s sat in his lap. “How’s Connor anyway?”_

_“Beats me, we’ve been over for weeks.”_

_“I’m sorry to hear that. Dad will come around eventually you know. He just wants you to be happy, at the end of the day that’s all he wants.”_

_Robert scoffs “as long as it’s on his terms. Dad will never accept me being with a man. That’s not going to happen.”_

_“Look, do you mind if we crash here for a few weeks?”_

_“What? Why what’s he done now.”_

_“Nothing. **Nothing** I swear, I just need a break. It’s not easy when dad barely acknowledges Maggie’s even there. I just need a breather.” _

_“Alright. Suit yourself, sure. Listen are you going to be all right if I head out? I’ve got a date, and if I miss it, I doubt she’ll give me another go.”_

_“Yeah, sure no worries.”_

_Slapping his thighs, Robert stands up, if he hurries now, he’ll make it just in time for late night happy hour._

_“Rob” Andy calls. Robert’s got a hand on the doorknob. He sighs._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Take care of yourself okay?”_

_“Are you sure your alright?”_

_“‘Course.”_

_Robert shrugs, whatever the problem was. It was something they could sort out in the morning over brunch, hopefully with lots of coffee, which would be good. The winds like a blade against his cheek, hesitating for a second, standing in the drive, he looks back at the front door. Maybe he should go back inside? Rolling his eyes, he shakes himself for good measure._

_Whatever it was, it would just have to wait until morning._

Robert groans, the light streams through the crack in the curtains catching his eyes. It takes a moment for him to remember, remember that he’d crashed on Aaron’s couch too drunk and emotionally distraught to make it home. After their make-out session, Robert had slumped against the cushions, and his body made it clear it was going nowhere. Aaron had brought out a spare pillow and blanket, practically tucked Robert in and all. It only took a couple of minutes for the events of that day to wipe him out.

Robert rubs his tired eyes with the palm of his hands. He has that dream often, more then is probably healthy, though he doubts having it at all is healthy. He always leaves, just like he had that night, even in his dreams his selfish.  

“Morning” Aaron yawns, coming through from the back room wearing a white shirt and boxers. His hairs natural, not anything like the solid rock made of gel, Robert’s used to seeing. It’s soft, suits him, and makes him look far younger then he is.

“Thanks for letting me crash last night.” 

“Don’t mention it, got anything on today?” 

“Maggie’s due back at noon.” Just knowing she was on her way home, made Robert feel better, a weight was slowly lifting off his chest and he knows once he’s able to hold her, the pressure will be gone, for now anyway. “I was thinking about taking her to the park, dad’s probably had her stuck in stuffy classrooms all weekend. Might bring Tabby along too.”

“Tabby?”

“Don’t laugh, but she’s Maggie’s cat. The kid likes to take her out on a leash. Says she doesn’t like being left behind.”

Aaron laughs, of course, he does. Robert would have too, it’s fucking hilarious; the first time Maggie had taken Tabby out for a walk, the neighbours had looked at Robert like he was mentally unstable. He’d snapped about a million pictures. Maggie hadn’t cared though; she strutted down the street without a care in the world, proud to be the owner of a ‘catdog’ as she used to call her.

“That’s adorable, must be one patience cat.” 

“Oh she is, must have been a nun in another life. You can see for yourself if you like. If it isn’t too awkward.”

“You want me to come?”

“Yeah, I do.”

 ::

 

(“Mr Sugden, can you describe your relationship with Andy’s wife, Katie Sugden.” 

“We were childhood friends. Andy and I had met her at the same time, she lived across the street from our old house.”

“You were a little more then childhood friends weren’t you? Is it true, you had a long-standing affair with Mrs Sugden?”

“Yes.”

“Is it also true, it was revealed to everyone on their wedding day?”

“Yes.”

“Why? If you cared about your brother, had his best interests at heart. Then why? You must have known it would destroy him.”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You’re sitting here, claiming you know your brother well enough to know what he would have wanted for his child. But you don’t know why you did it?” 

“Yes.”)

 

::

 

“Come on Mr Dingle push me harder!” Maggie orders from the swing set.

“I’m trying! I’m trying” Aaron laughs.

Robert had headed back to his place earlier that morning. He’d showered and changed, feed Tabby who seemed pissed about having to wait so long for her breakfast. He’d then headed to the airport to pick Maggie up. He’d agree with Aaron, he’d have a talk with her first, it was best if Robert explained himself what was going on before throwing Aaron into the lion’s den. Maggie could be fiercely protective when she wanted to be.

And truth be told, Robert wanted some time to alone with her. The second he saw her coming through the arrivals gate it felt like coming home. Maggie had detached herself from the airhostess and ran into his arms. The moment she collided with his chest, he knew this was what coming home felt like. He’d held her, soaked her up. It had only been two days, but it had felt like a lifetime.

Once she was settled in the car, he’d broached the idea of going to the park. Maggie had been enthusiastic about the idea. Like Robert had suspected, she’d spent most of her weekend with professors inside UCL, talking about maths. It wasn’t like Maggie didn’t enjoy it, but Robert knows she needs more. She may not know it, but she does. She’s only seven, classrooms and research papers could wait till she’s older. She seemed to have a good time though, gushed about her Auntie Victoria taking her out for tea, at the Four Seasons.

As it turns out, Maggie loved the idea of Mr Dingle going to the park with them. So much, she’d agreed to leave Tabby behind (just this once mind you) because she’d be too busy playing with Mr Dingle to give Tabby any attention.

So now, Maggie’s got Aaron held captive by the swing set, as Robert watches on amused. He’d offered to push her himself, but no, she’d wanted _Mr Dingle to do it._ That suited him just fine; he never got out of swing duty. 

“She’s killing me over there” Aaron huffs out of breath, walking over. Maggie’s gotten bored and headed over to the playhouse and slide where a few of kids from school were splitting off into teams for a game of tag.

“People are staring,” Robert says, nudging his head over to the group of women huddled on the other side of the playground.

Aaron rolls his eyes “their bored. Besides most of them are jealous, you’re the sad but hot single dad.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Come on mate, don’t tell me you’ve never seen the way the mothers look at you when you drop Maggie off? I don’t believe it, how can you be so _oblivious._ ”

“I guess I am gifted.”

“Aaron, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why’d you stay in Bristol after Jackson died?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, it certainly wasn’t any of his business. But his mind kept wandering back to that night at the dock. There was something Robert was missing, and he wanted to know. He wanted to know every part of Aaron, the good and the bad. It’s the bad parts that make us human, it’s the bad parts that drove Aaron to the dock that night and Robert desperately needs to know. He needs to know Aaron had them too, the bad parts, so he doesn’t have to feel so alone.

Aaron looks down at his lap, and for a moment Robert thinks his not going to speak. “Everything was going great, I was finishing up uni, I really thought things were going to be different. And then my father came back into the picture. My family tried you know, to make it better. But I just couldn’t stand seeing his smug face walking around the village. Not after what he’d done. So when Jackson was offered a job here, I went with him and well after Jackson died, I just couldn’t bring myself to go back, Gordon’s not even there anymore. He’d done his damage and moved on, but it’s tainted now.”

“Did—did he hit ya?” Robert says, in a hushed tone.

Aaron’s quite for a while, “yeah, but me I could stomach. If it had been just me I could have taken it, but Liv, my little sister, I wanted him dead.”

“Why wasn’t he locked up?”

Aaron shrugs “I tried, went down to the police station and all. But it was years ago, and historic abuse hardly ends in a conviction. He got away with it. It’s why I became a teacher you know. No one cared enough growing up to see what was happening, but I know the signs and I’ll never let one of my students suffer in silence.” Aaron’s trembling towards the end, conviction in every word he speaks.

“I’m proud of ya. I know that sounds stupid since we hardly know each other but I am.”

“It’s not stupid,” Aaron says. “It means a lot.”

:: 

 

“Rob,” Maggie says tiredly, face buried in the blankets. It’s been a long day, after the playground they’d found a quiet spot underneath a tree and had a picnic. Aaron had gone to the local Tesco and gotten them some sandwiches and biscuits.

“Yeah?” He sits down on the bed beside her, looking down at her drooping eyes.

“I like Granddad, but I don’t want to live with him. I want to live with you.”

“I know you do Mags, you're not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

He leans down and presses and kiss to her forehead, he shouldn’t promise. He knows he shouldn’t.

But he does.

:: 

 

The trail starts. It’s as hard as Robert expected it to be, perhaps harder. One the second day he takes the stand. Sits there, and listens to his father’s barrister rip his character to shreds. 

He brings up Katie.

He brings up his sexuality.

He brings up the night of the incident and cuts Robert to the core. 

“You were the one to find your brother were you not Mr Sugden?” 

“Yes. He’d come over with Maggie that night and asked if they could stay for a few weeks.”

“Had he told you why? Didn’t it seem odd, since you hadn’t seen him in 6 months?”

“A bit, but he said he needed a break. I know what our father is like, I just assumed he needed some space.” 

“But you didn’t press him for any information.”

“No, I was late.”

“For what? What could be more important then brother you claim to care so much about?”

“A date.” 

“A date?”

“Objection your honour, my client is not on trial here. Mr James’s judgemental tone is hardly necessary.” 

“Sustained, rain it, Mr James.” 

“Apologises for your honour. Let’s talk about what happened when you got home. According to the report, it was about three in the morning correct?”

“Something like that. I walked in, all the lights were off, and I just assumed they were asleep. Like you said it was late. I was going to head to bed, but I needed to use the bathroom—and that’s where I found him. In the bathtub.”

“Where was Maggie during all this?”

“Asleep in the guestroom, Andy must have put her down before…before.”

“Did Andy Sugden tell you, he wanted you to look after Maggie?”

“Not in so many words, but I knew.”

“You knew? How? How do you know he didn’t want you to hand her over to your father and stepmother? How do you _know_? _”_

“Because he came to me! _Me,_ it had all become too much. And all for what, some stupid equation that he couldn’t solve because he didn’t live up to the impossible standard our father set for him. He drove Katie away, Him. Andy wouldn’t want my father to have Maggie, he wouldn’t.”

“No further questions your honour.”

He goes home when it’s over, puts Maggie to bed. Aaron trails behind him as he does, afraid he’s going to break. He does, when they sat on his couch, pulls his knees to his chest and sobs. Feels Aaron curl around him protectively, hush into his ear that everything was going to be all right.

But it wasn’t. 

Because Katie is gone.

Andy was gone. 

And soon Maggie would be gone too.

“I don’t want to be alone” he chokes out. He clutched onto Aaron’s shirt, trying desperately hard to breathe.

“You're not alone, you hear? No matter what happens you are not alone.”

 ::

 

On the third day, his father takes the stand. Robert sits beside his barrister, Aaron right behind him; a firm hand on his shoulder, steadying him. 

Mr James, his father’s barrister, tries to paint the picture a perfect man. A farmer’s son, who’d, braced all odds to make a success of himself. A man; who had been left with three children to look after, when his wife tragically died too young, who only wanted what was best for his family, Robert included.

It was a pretty picture; too bad it wasn’t true, not really. 

“Mr Sugden, is true you never liked Andy’s wife?” 

Robert’s barrister, Derek McCoy, was one of the only, breeds of his kind, a decent barrister who actually cared. It probably wouldn’t be enough, but his heart was in the right, and while everything in him wanted to stoop down to his father’s level. He wouldn’t, he was better than that, the truth would win out. _It had too._

“Katharine was a sweet girl, but she never had it in her to stand by greatness. She simply couldn’t hack it, with either of my sons.”

“Could she not hack it, or did you pay her to disappear after the birth of their child?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about it.”

“So Andy didn’t tell you the night Maggie was born, that he was no longer interested in continuing with his life’s work? That he’d decide to put his daughter and wife first and Mathematics was just going to have to take a back seat.”

“Andrew may have said in the heat of the moment, but over time he changed his mind, he realized what a mistake he was making. I didn’t have to do anything.”

“Really? So you’re saying Katie leaving had nothing to do with his decision to carry on with the research?”

“No, I have every confidence, that Andrew would have come to that conclusion no matter what happened. Even if Katherine had stayed.”  

“Your honour, I’d like the record to show, I am putting into evidence, a letter that Katie Sugden sent to Robert, on her daughters second birthday; year and a half, after Andy Sugden’s suicide. “

:: 

 

 

(Robert had received the letter on Maggie’s second birthday. They’d spent the day in the garden, with Shelia and Daniel. Their granddaughters had been over, and it was good for Maggie to have friends her own age to play with. When the sun had started to set, Shelia had taken the kids over to her place to watch a movie and Robert was grateful for the quite. It was days like this that made him think of his brother the most. 

The letter, a pink crumbled envelope was sitting table by the door. Disregarded in the morning rush, to get everything ready in time. He’d thought it was junk mail at first, but when he really looked at it, the delicate writing on the front. It was anything but. 

_To Robert Sugden._ That was what was written. In blue pen, in handwriting, Robert would have recognized anywhere. The girl, with blonde hair and purples pens, that sat beside him in the backyard, carelessly drawing hearts on the sides of his homework.

She wasn’t just any girl. She was _the girl._

He’d ripped the envelope open, staring down at the page.

 

_Dear Robert,_

_I know you must wondering, why I’m writing you this letter, after all this time. It wasn’t easy, putting this down on paper, after everything that had happened, after your brother. No words could describe how sorry I am, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay, to fight for what your brother and the life we had built together but I wasn’t strong enough._

_I wasn’t strong enough on my own. Andy had promised to cut down on work, but your father was like a never-ending shadow that was cast upon us, and I knew that that was never really going to happen. Andy could want and want, but your father was always going to get his way in the end. And then I got pregnant, with my beautiful baby girl. I still wonder what she looks like, what colour are her eyes? Does she have my smile or his? Did making her listen to classical music help or was was that total rubbish?_

_She was born, and your father couldn’t take it. Perhaps it was because he knew he couldn’t get rid of me. That I was permanently tied to his family, and not just the wife he could ignore. We both know your father never liked me, and after the wedding, it obviously became worse. He could never understand why Andy stayed with me. Why he forgave me. Why he forgave us._

_When Maggie was born things got harder, you’d left and your father tried everything to pull Andy back into this world kicking and screaming and I just couldn’t take. The morning after Maggie’s birth, your father come to congratulate us, Andy had been in bathroom at the time. He kissed me on cheek and handed me an envelope. In that envelope was cheque; at first, I thought it was for the baby. But when I saw the amount, I knew it was something else._

_He wanted me gone. He wanted us gone._

_For a month, I sat at home and waited for Andy’s promises to come true. But the longer I waited, the longer I knew it wasn’t going to happen. It was meant to be for few a months, I’d take the money, get myself sorted and come back to Andy and Maggie._

_The months rolled on and I didn’t come back. And then, Andy did what he did._

_I broke him. And I knew I couldn’t come back then, how could I ever look into our daughter’s eyes and know, I let him down. He needed me. And I wasn’t there._

_You’re thinking I’m coward, and I am. I let your father bully me into doubting the love I know was real between Andy and I. There’s no going back now. What’s done is done; maybe we’re all guilty, some more than others._

_I just wanted you to know Robert, that I’m sorry. Because I didn’t just let Andy, or Maggie down, I let you down too._

_Yours truly,_

_Katie._ )

:: 

 

 

“You didn’t have to do this you know. Cook me and Maggie dinner, I would have scrounged something up.” 

“Please, it’s pasta and sauce out of the can, I hardly went Gordon Ramsey on you. Besides after the day you’ve had, I thought you deserved some proper TLC.”

Robert smiles, standing behind Aaron at the stove. He wraps his arms around the younger man’s middle and pulls him closer. “Thank you.”

Aaron turns in his arms, using the spoon to coat Robert’s nose with red tomato sauce “your welcome.”

“When the trials over, will take me to visit Emmerdale?”

“Why?”

“Because you can’t hide forever, he wins if do you, and you’re too brave and strong Aaron to let that bastard win. Take me home, show me where you grew up. Let me part of your world, and I promise I won't let anything happen you to.”

“You're already are, part of my world. You know?”

“I know.”

“Rob, Mr Dingle, is dinner ready? I’m starving!”

Aaron pulls away, looking over Robert’s shoulder “in a few minutes Mag, and didn’t I tell you outside school, your allowed to call me Aaron.”

“I prefer Mr Dingle, it sounds better.”

Robert laughs “me too _Mr Dingle._ ”

“Oi, none of that. Or it’s timeout for you _both_ of you.”

 

:: 

 

“I don’t understand, why are they offering a deal now?” 

“They think they're going to lose.”

“But you think we’re going to lose?”

He didn’t need a verbal answer, it was written all over his face. A foster family, half an hour away from Robert, but still she wouldn’t be with him. She’d be strangers. People who couldn’t possibly love her, the way Robert did.

“She’d attend Rodean Academy, and you’d be able to visit whenever you want. We could even schedule weekends once she’s settled. Think about it Robert, if you lose, if your father gets full custody, then he isn’t obliged to even let you see her. She’d be halfway across the country. This is the best deal we’re going to get.” 

“And you like this deal?”

“No, I love this deal. I’ve worked with this judge before, His old school, his going to choose money every time. He's going to look at your father's income, the apartment he owns, his health insurance, and his going to side with him. Your father’s legal team don’t know this judge, but I do and I don’t want you walking away losing that little girl for good.” 

“We could win.”

“We could." 

But they won't. They won't win will they? With a foster family, she’ll at least have a chance at a normal life. She’ll go to that poxy private, but they’ll take her out to the cinema too. 

“Both parties have to agree on the foster family, and when she’s twelve, we’ll get back into the courts and she can decide who she wants to live with.” 

Five years.

1825 days.

 

 

::

 

 

“Please don’t leave me here." 

“Mags, I don’t want to. But you have Tabby okay? And I’ll visit every week and once you're settled you can come and spend weekends with me and Aaron, go shopping with Shelia okay?”

“No! I want to stay with you.”

“I know kid, but I don’t have choice here, the courts are making me do this.”

“You’re a liar! You promised! You promised me!”

She’s banging her fists against his chest, snot running down her nose onto her lips and Roberts holding himself together, until his in the car.

His letting her down, he’d promised and he was letting her down.

Letting Andy down.

God, could he be more pathetic?

“I know I did Maggie and I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry kid.” 

“You can’t go, you promised we’d stay together. You always keep your promises.”

Not this time. He closes his eyes for a second, taking her shaking frame into his arms and holding on for dear life. Listens to her sobs, feels her fingers grip on the front of his shirt. “I have to go now, kid.” 

“No” she screams, latches onto his shirt. “Don’t go.” 

“It’s going to be all right sweetheart I p—” he stops, knows his words mean nothing to her now, offer no comfort to the girl who’s being abounded again. Who’s been abounded over and over again her whole life and Robert’s name is going be on that last, at the very top, the biggest disappointment of them all.

“Stop Robert!”

He walks away. Walks out the door and doesn’t look back. Starts his engine, and pulls out of the street, driving away as quickly as possible. His hearts never left though, it’s still there, broken and battered. It won’t ever leave.

:: 

 

He drives to the docks, grabs a bottle of beer from the fridge and sits and tries to forget, but can’t. All he sees is Andy lying in that bathtub. Maggie's pleaded for him not to leave. He can’t run away, he wants to. He wants to pack his bags and run, but he's got too much to live, for now, too much keeping him here.

He wants to be but he won't. Not this time.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

“Oh, you know me Aaron, uncle of year.”

Robert scoots over, so Aaron can slot in beside him. Usually, just having him close, would make Robert feel better but not tonight. He leans against Aaron’s shoulder, and wonders when he became this weak.

“You didn’t have a choice, Robert.”

“Maggie’s not going to see it like that. She’s not going to understand.”

 “She will one day. You just have to wait it out. She’ll forgive you.”

“You know, during the first few months in Bristol with Maggie, I researched social services. I couldn’t do it; I didn’t think I was good enough. But then she’d do something amazing and unbelievably cool, and I’d change my mind. And I kept changing it, again and again. I guess I finally followed through with something uh? Good for me.”

“I know your feeling sorry for your self Robert and that’s fine for tonight. But tomorrow you need to pick yourself up again and fight.”

Robert scoffs “I’m tired of fighting Aaron I always lose.”

“Come home with me” Aaron begs. Takes the empty bottle from Robert grip and puts it down on the table. “It’ll be okay, you just have to hold on until morning, and I promise it’ll be alright.”

::

 

 

“You could at least pretend to be enjoying yourself. You wanted me to bring here.”

“I am I _swear._ Just, get us another round yeah? Your mum will be out of the bathroom soon and I don’t want her to sit down to an empty glass.”

“What am I am your butler?”

Aaron kisses the crown of Robert’s head, before heading inside the woolpack to get them another round. It’s a nice day out, and they're sitting on the benches outside the pub, in the centre of the village.

It was meant to be the three of them, but Maggie hadn’t felt up to it. That was a lie; she simply didn’t want to go. It had been a month a half since Robert had left Maggie with the Harpers. The Harpers were a nice middle-aged couple, with two children around Maggie’s age of their own. They had a massive house, with a pool that overlooked the beach.

In that month, Maggie had refused to see Robert. She was letting Jack visit, of course, she didn’t blame him, he didn’t make her a promise, and break it. She even let Aaron swim by pool with her, have a glass of ice tea and tells him all about her new school.

Robert wasn’t jealous, only he was.

It didn’t help, that Shelia was having none of his mopings. Usually, she’d let him stew him peace when he got into a mood, but it was like she and Aaron had an agreement to annoy him into submission.

It wasn’t even like he didn’t want to be here. He did, he loved meeting Aaron’s albeit protective lot. Aaron had grown up onto of the pub, in a decent sized apartment with his mum and aunt.

Chas, Aaron’s mum had whipped out the scrapbook. Shown him endless pictures of Aaron in the bathroom, which had turned his Aaron, sitting close shoulders with him a bright red, which frankly Robert doesn’t think he’ll have ever let him live down. 

But it was meant to be the three them, and Robert just can’t let go of that.

Chas walks back over to their table, sitting down on the bench opposite Robert, “Aaron told me about your niece I’m sorry.”

“Yeah me too.”

“She’ll forgive you one day ya know. Our Aaron was so mad when he came back to leave with me. I’d left them, with his dad of all people. I didn’t know he was going to do _that_ but I certainly knew it wouldn’t be easy. Aaron hated me for so long for leaving him, but he forgave me in the end.”

“Why?” he asks.  

“Because I was sick, and I needed help, and he knew it wasn’t my fault and one day your niece will realize that too.”

“But I broke my promise.”

“Just because you broke it doesn’t mean, you didn’t mean.”

Robert’s blinking back tears when Aaron heads back over, a tray in hand. “I mean if you didn’t want to come off as a butler, you might not want to look so at home holding a tray.”

“Hilarious, keep it up and the next beer will end up in your lap.”

“Your sons got a mean streak, you know that?”

::

 

 

Maggie’s missing, and Robert’s never been more terrified in his life. The Harpers had called, apparently, they’d gone to pick her up from school and she wasn’t there. So much for a fancy private school, if they can’t even keep a seven-year-old from going missing. 

He’d frantically gotten in his truck and headed home, but she wasn’t there. Panicked, he calls Aaron and prays he answers. 

“Robert this really isn’t a good time I’m—”

“Maggie’s missing. Aaron’s she’s gone, and she’s just a kid she could be anywhere, anyone could have taken her.”

“Okay calm down have you checked the house?”

“Yeah I’m here now and _she’s not here._ ” He's going to be sick, he can’t lose her, not like this, not now. Life couldn’t be this cruel; it wouldn’t do this to him again.

“Breath, think, is there somewhere you guys go a lot? A special place.” 

A beat rolls by, before Robert realizes “the beach” he says just above a whisper. “The one I used to take her to almost every weekend, we’d go with Tabby and spend hours there. It was her favourite thing to do, well apart from maths.” 

“Do you think that’s where she is?”

“It’s worth a shot.” 

He drives faster than the speed limit to the shore, his heart in his mouth the entire time. 

She’s not there. The beach is empty. His just wasted all this time, when he could have been looking somewhere—and then suddenly a small figure stands up. She’d been lying on the shore; with the casting of the sun, Robert hadn’t seen her.

“Maggie” he shouts out, rushing toward her. She turns, eyes wide and then suddenly she’s running toward him too. They collide, and she’s in his arms and suddenly the stars and align, and he can breathe again. All this time, for months, this what all he wanted, her, here, with Robert, it’s all he’s ever needed.

“I’m sorry Rob, I didn’t mean run away.”

“How did you even get here?” 

“Granddad’s drivers, I told him The Harpers said it was okay. I’m sorry I never let you visit Robert, are mad at me?”

“What? Mad at you? _Never_. I’d have waited forever, for you to let me see you. I’d never have given up, not ever.”

“Please Rob, I just want to come home.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“You're coming home with me, and I’d like to see anyone try and stop me.”

 

:: 

  

(“This is Robert, I’m currently unavailable, please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

Beep. Beep.

“Rob, it’s Victoria. I know it’s been while—and I’m sorry. I should have stuck up for you with Maggie. If there’s any way we could try and move past it, give me call. I’d love to hear from you.”)

 

::

 

**(Epilogue, 1 year later)**

“Your not seriously going to compare my undergraduate students to your first grader’s are you?” 

“You said you had a mountain of corrections, so do I _._ ”

“That is not the same.”

“Oi, I could still change my mind and not marry you, you know.”

“Please, and pass up on all this. Not even you’re that stupid— _owe_ ” he laughs, rubbing the spot on his head was Aaron had just hit with one of the catalogues lying on the table.

Maggie’s in London with Victoria for the weekend, when she arrived, she’d called Robert to gush about the hotel Victoria had booked them into. _“A proper girly pamper session Robert ”_ she’d squealed.

She deserved it, Jack and Robert had reached a comprise. During the day, she attended classes at the university where Robert taught (that had been all Aaron’s doing) and in the afternoon she attended the sports session organised by Brighton Primary, meaning Aaron and Maggie got to have quality time together, and Robert could tag along whenever they’d let him.

Aaron and Maggie were a force to be reckoned with together. He didn’t practically appreciate their double act since it was usually to disagree with him.

She still went to visit his father and Diane in London, but most of the time it was Victoria and Daz, the latter of whom, in recent months Victoria had grown very close too. He thinks Andy would have approved, of his mentee and his sister. It really was a perfect match, and Robert was happy his little sister had found someone who genuinely cared for her.

That day at the beach had changed everything _again._ He’d marched to The Harpers, found Jack in their guest room and made it clear Maggie was going home with him, he was good enough, and if his dad wanted to stop him, be his guest, but that he’d never stop, _they’d never stop._

His father was a lot of things, but a dumb man was never one of them. He’d played his hand, and he’d lost. He bowed out, as gracefully as Jack Sugden could. Besides, with Maggie getting bored of Reagan Academy, moving her onto university classes, seemed like the best solution.

She was with Robert, and he’d never let her end up like Andy. She would be brilliant, but she’d do it being herself, and he’d never stop reminding her that.

And Aaron? Aaron was a different story entirely. They’d continued to date for another six months before Robert had popped the question. He’d taken Aaron out to dinner, and of course Maggie had wanted to tag along, frankly, he’d been surprised she’d not brought cat too _“I can’t miss this Robert!”_

As cliché has it sounds, after dessert, he’d got down on one knee; eyes shining with tears of love and asked him.

_“Will you marry me, Aaron Dingle?”_

_“Say yes ‘ron, so we can be a proper family!”_

Thank god he’d said yes, or that would have been an awkward ending to their meal. 

“Move over, and tell me what you're thinking about.”

“Just stuff” Robert shrugs, slings his arm around Aaron to pull him close “us, Maggie, how lucky I am to have you both.”

“You right, you are lucky I’m a catch mate.” Robert laughs, biting lightly on Aaron’s shoulder.

:: 

 

Sitting beside Aaron, Robert realizes. He isn’t coming home anymore. _He is home._

 

 

 

 

  

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hello on tumblr @victoriasugden


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